Finding Forgiveness

Do you hear me crying now,
Over the mistakes I have made,
I know I let you down,
Tired of standing in the shade.

I gave you my apologies,
Absolving you from blame,
It was all my fault,
It was all my shame.

The guard of my mouth was broken,
Spilling out all my fears,
Worries of losing trust in you,
And with you comes with many tears.

Now, I sit in self lockdown,
Paralyzed, empty, alone,
Seeking refuge and safety,
Yet wanting to come back home.

I tolerated all your yelling,
Even when I was good,
When the words bit hard,
I knew my place, I understood.

But I do know the truth,
After lost time spent denying,
About the suffering at your hand,
Tired of all the lying.

Reveal to me Lord,
What do I do under pressure,
Counsel me on how,
To forgive my aggressor.